The fog

Oh Monday, how you can be so cruel. So I've been walking around for the last 6 days in a fog, induced by medicines to combat this cold. I must say this is the longest cold I've ever had! Usually, in my experiences with colds in the past, I'd drink it away! But being a year and a half sober, that is never an option! So cold meds, and what sleep I can get it is. Ugh not happy about not getting enough sleep but oh we'll, sleep when I'm dead right?
So let's recap my crazy weekend!!!
Friday, whoa talk about crazy!! Got to work and sick as hell, but presses on and did my job anyways because I love my job. Worked until about 3 then rushed home to let out Elvis, take a shower and get ready for a work and client mixer and dinner. Back to work by 5 to setup for said mixer. There was lots and lots of beer, wine and soda! Soda!!! Yes!!! Everyone made my phone the official dj for the night because my pandora channels are that awesome! So the mixer went well! I got to actually talk to people I work with. I'm usually stuck in my whole in the wall workshop and don't get to see or talk to anyone all day long. So I can say it was refreshing to meet and talk to everyone. I got to meet alot of our most important clients, all of which love my design work and requested some new designs but I was in shock that I was getting compliments on my design work... It was a great feeling!! So we hung out at the office until about 7 or 730 then headed to the restaurant... This is where it got bad! So the restaurant wasn't staffed enough to handle our reservations of 40... Took an hour and a half for appetizers then another half for actual dinner... And the dinner was terrible!!! Most of the people by this point were drunk and having a good time, I guess. It was interesting, that's for sure.
Saturday, well we had our huge event with the clients, pretty much a huge sale. Got to work at 830 to setup for the day, filled with cold meds but felt ok. As the day went by I felt worse and worse, but by 430 I was done with work and headed home. I was out cold by 9 and up at 7 Sunday
Sunday up at 7, went for coffee down the street at quills until about 11 then dad called and I was off to a car show... The show was disappointing and not fun, but I got to see my dad and his buddies Jeff and Shawn. Went home, sneezing and runny nose. Went to seidenfadens for gore club, got there about 830 and was home by midnight and in bed. Couldn't sleep to well because of said sneezing and stuffy/ runny nose.
Monday, you are so cruel... And still I walk in a fog...

Wednesday , Wednesday half way there

Well today started off pretty good, bright sunshine, a good mood, and started early at work today.
My angle grinder went to shit so I can't finish a few projects in the shop :/ need a new power switch for it. Working on brazing some brass deer heads that attach to a lamp. But that's not workin out to well. But I'll keep at it and maybe get a few done today. This weekend is our big show, so I've been bustin my ass to get alot of things ready for it. We have a company dinner Friday night and I got asked to work Saturday!!! Yeah buddy , overtime!!
I've been trying to find a garage to work on my cars, finding parts and getting things lined up all week. Carl Casper show is this weekend and my dad is coming down for it so I'm going to join him and check out some cars.
As for my emotional status this week, I'm hopeful, positive, and have a great future ahead of me so I'm looking forward and living the moments!
Can't stop, won't stop... Well I'm heading back to working away, jamming to some surf rock today.. Might change it up at some point this afternoon though... Until next time, keep smiling and keep on pushin!!

Stepping out...

It's Monday, presidents day, we don't get of work for many holidays and that's ok. But big news is the bridge is open, finally!!! My commute to work has gone from 1+ hour to a leisurely 10 minutes!!! Man that's awesome. Really starting off the work week on a positive!
Last night I went and hung out with the Louisville gore club, watched the walking dead , then ricki-oh and started watching machine girl but had to head home to bed. I'm not sure why I decided that heading home to bed was such a great idea... I have not slept very much or even well since Friday... :/ oh well, sleep when you're dead right?
I've had alot going on since Friday, internally and emotionally... Like I'm starting to molt like a bird and it's time to rise out of the ash of all my past and become a Phoenix .... I'm not a fan of that annology, oh well it's fitting.
So the walking dead... This was the second episode I've seen... Ahaha I've seen the very first episode and saw last nights episode.. I don't have cable and dont watch tv either... So that explains my lapse in watching it. I can say that I have been wanting to watch it because someone is really into it and was trying to shy away from it until I could watch it with them... But at this moment that ain't happenin. But no negative on my blog anymore!! I'm at work, the sun is shining, it's going to be a great day!!! I'm ready.. Not feeling so sick anymore and that's awsome but until tomorrow... Forward ever backwards never!!

Giving up the ghost

Good morning, it's Thursday , I'm still sick but hoping these meds do the trick. So I'm giving up the ghost and moving forward. I havnt been too excited or happy these last 2 weeks and now it's time to leave all the troubles behind. Since I pretty much am the only one concerned about my own feelings and future. So here goes, I'm stepping out of the shadows and moving in under the street lamp. But this weekend hopefully can be a good jump off point. Emotionally not ready to engage in a change but you gotta start somewhere right?
Wow, the things I've been through since getting sober and the accomplishments I have reaped the rewards of. I'm happy that my sobriety keeps me grounded and I'm glad I can think rationally about what's going on in my world and the sense to change the things I can.
So let's make today a great day! I'm pressing on and moving forward. My hopes and dreams will come true and I'll be a happy man once again. Until that time I'll just keep walking along, keeping my head up, and staying on the straight and narrow. I have had the feeling of being stuck in prison for too long, and now it's high time for parole. Keep smiling! Forward ever, backward never

Tables, skydiving and a long winter

Wednesday , the halfway mark of my work week! So this week has been good! I started a few projects at home and progressing in them with a feverish pace. At work I am building some one of a kind tables , I've got 2 out of 4 done and I have to finish the rest before we have our big show on the 25th. I should take some photos of these, the 2 I have finished will sell for about $1000 each, that's big money! Of course I get my usual pay, but I won't complain!
On the way to work today I was thinking that I really wanna go skydiving soon, well maybe once winter is over.
I'm looking forward to the weekend, going to finish my moms living room, get tattooed, and get a fresh haircut and a shave from my boy Lucky at the Mariemont Barbershop in Cincinnati. Then Sunday I get to meet the new landlord since the house is now in custody of my old landlords ex wife...
Im also awaiting my credit report so I can go through and clean it up so I can buy a new house, one that I can remodel and make it mine! One I can raise a family in... Whenever that happens.. But hey, I'm hopeful :)
Today is surprisingly warm, since yesterday I awoke to an inch of snow and it melted by 11 am.. What a winter huh? Well it's time for me to get started on these tables and make that money for the bossman.. But he is helping me find a garage around new Albany so I can work on the hot Rods ... Until tomorrow... Forward ever, backward never. And remember, jah only gives us what we can handle and nothing more... Keep a smile on your face and be positive!!

Donnie Darko... My theories behind a great film..

So it's valentines day, for some it's depressing, for others its a day filled with hope and love. For me this year it's filled with hope, positivity, and I'm watching Donnie Darko. One of many films I actually love watching, and when I watch this film I always come to the same conclusion about the meaning behind it. I have had the same theory behind it for years now and I think it may seem crazy to some but to others it is an eye opener. So here goes:
The film to me is not about time travel or about Donnie being a paranoid pschitzophrenic (yes I spelled it wrong,I know). To me it's about choices made in life after death, the trials of heaven. Why would I see this as my version? Well let's start from the beginning and with the religious aspect I see. In my version, Donnie's psychiatrist is actually god, Patrick Swayze's character is Jesus. Donnie is being constantly watched and judged through out the film...
I tried writing more but I ended up sounding crazy... If you want to really dive into this deeper with me, then please ask me in person, id be happy to explain.
Well happy valentines day everyone! If you have someone, then tell them you love them! If you don't have anyone but there is somebody you'd like to tell something to , do it! We are not promised tomorrow, or even ten minutes from now, live in the moment! I've been trying to do this for a long time, speak your feelings and what's on your mind when you need to, you'll be happier you did! I did get to tell the one I wanted to talk to today how I felt, good or bad doesn't matter, I said what I felt and that's what matters! So for all of you out there, tell that special someone you love them, don't half ass it either, take the time to look them in the eyes, gaze deep into their soul and really mean what you say.. I love you!
Until next time... I know I'm kinda crazy, but that's what makes me interesting...

Singing lullabies....

Oh Monday, you're here again... My weekend was way too short and didn't get to do alot of the things I needed to do. But there's always next weekend right?
Work today is a little slow paced, I'm making some new tables that are one of a kind here at the shop. I really want to be at home being crafty and making things, but my job is a major priority Monday through Friday! So I can put some music on, keep a good rythem and try to let my brain relax and not think about my troubles. I mean hell, there really isn't a reason to complain and who would listen anyways... I woke up this morning and that's a good thing.
I have a few projects to work on at home tonight and I hope they turn out as good as I'm planning. At least I hope they get the reaction I'm going for here.
Anyways, so beer fest with everyone Saturday was fun, got out and about for the first time in a long time. It was well over due and I'm glad my friends got me involved. I miss them but I'm not that far away and I can always go visit for a weekend. Now as for Louisville, still havnt gotten out or really felt the ambition to get myself out there yet, I'm still working on a few things before I can make that happen.
I have a tremendously amazing, beautiful future ahead and I plan on it becoming my reality .. But it takes time and alot of patients and courage to face what struggles I must go through first. I know my blogs aren't that inspiring and have been a little down trotten lately but I have alot of internal things going on. I have noticed that I'm not so much a fan of Sundays... To me Sunday's are lounge around the house days with someone but lately they have been full of driving back from Cincinnati and really not the most positive days. But I plan on changing that soon!!! I promise, no more blogs that seen so negative, I'm a super positive and hopeful person and I need to let my blogs reflect that!
So for now I will say I'm taking it one day at a time, stepping onto the path of the right direction, and taking it easy! I have decided to allow things to happen for the better and to not rush them. I can only control myself, my actions, my thoughts and my words. I choose then carefully and speak from my heart. I am blessed to have great freinds, family and an amazing job. I like the people I work with, I like my workshop and my boss is awesome!
Well until tomorrow, keep moving forward, work towards your dreams and embrace the moments you have now. I know that my present time is very important since you never know how much time is really left. So with that I will say adios until tomorrow I'm off to make some kick ass tables!!!

What dreams may come

Oh hello Friday :) glad to see your here finally! After work today I'll be heading to cincinnati. I'll be selling one of my track bikes tonight then heading to my moms house. It's the weekend finally. This week has gone by very fast, I got alot of meditation in this week and alot of work done too.
I have realized I am a man of many, many dreams. I have a million ideas rushing through my brain all the time. Things I'd like to accomplish, things I'd like to have, things I'd like to be doing to enhance my future. But I'm ok with it, I have a journal that I can write these all down in, draw pictures, and write to myself as much as I can. I do have a grounding force in my life and that's a plus, without it id be living in a dream world all the time like I usually do.
I got up early today and had breakfast, let the dog out, watched a little Step Into Liquid and left for work. Made it here a half hour early.
I'm ready for this weekend, I'm also awaiting my credit report to get here so I can go through it, clean it up and take care of some things I need.. Like buy a house. Something is nagging at me and it's buying a home.. I need the feeling of being busy when I'm at home. I'm looking into buying a old house here in new Albany, an old mansion that I might be able to get at a steal... It would give me the satisfaction of remodeling the whole house room by room, updating the whole house to pex, inline water heater, new insulation, taking it from the 19th century and bringing it up to date and green. I can't escape the thoughts of remodeling it and I've yet to really get a good look at the house. Oh well , yet another dreAm... I sometimes feel like I should really stop getting my hopes up about anything since they all fall through and die. But maybe it's just a way to be more realistic...
But enough of that! It's Friday and the weekend will be here at 430 today!! Not taking a lunch break today, instead I'm just going to work through it and get out early today. Hoping for good weather and a good trip back to Cincy let's see if we can make it happen! Looking forward to some good times ahead and a great future, I've decided that this time around I'm going to get it right and really have a happiness that I deserve and I will have it.... Ok everyone keep it positive today, look forward to the weekend!! Forward ever backward never!!

When a good man goes to war...

Today is Wednesday. We received a light dusting of snow overnight. On my way to work I got a call from the landlord, who is in the middle of a divorce. Apparently he lost the house I live in to his soon to be ex wife. Well I have the option of moving into another house just about 3 or 4 minutes away... I'm thinking I'm just going to stay where I'm at unless the new house actually has a working garage but I can gather it does not. So I'm going to stay. Anyways today I woke up a bunch and didn't sleep so well, but I'm not going to let that deter my day. I'm going to move forward and progress out of yesterday. I'm going to embrace what I can and keep moving on.
So when a good man goes to war... I'm in a constant war between my heart and my brain. I've decided to have a peace talk with both of them and calm the inner seas. Just worry about myself and what I need to accomplish and focus on, finding things to do around town and finding new people to hang out with. Well I did take a walk around the downtown area of new Albany last night and I gotta say... I'm going to like living here. The area and architecture is pretty nice. The atmosphere is warm and I like it. My neighborhood is definitely very blue collar and I'm ok with that.
Well I'm at work a half hour early like usual. And I'll be in Cincinnati this weekend so if anyone wants to go do something then let me know, so far I'm pretty much open and free...
Well for now this has been a long time comin and something needed to break and well it's all come full circle... So until next time everyone.. Forward ever backward never keep on smiling.. I know I will

I am, just a madman with a box...

Monday oh how you've been terrible. I had to wait until almost 4 pm for the gas company to turn the gas on.. And it was freezing in the house today. Would have been nice for them to tell me a rough time they'd be here.. I could've gone to work Damn it!!! So I had to call off work today for it. I am not happy about it at all!!
So today I came to the conclusion that there are many things I worry about and my mind obsessively thinks about them. Makes me crazy sometimes, but it's about time to leave those in the past. Press forward and only control what I can, and not worry about the things I cannot change or control. I have a way I'd like my life to be, at least an ideal. But for now it's me, my controlled ability for my own life and actions. And yes I have come to the conclusion that I am a madman.. And my box? That's my 49 shoebox ford.. Tucked away in the garage.. My chariot through time and space.. But it only travels into the future and only at real time... :/ but hell it'll take me into the future, my future no matter where it leads I will be there. It's time for me to stop dwelling on the past and situations I cannot control and just try and live! So Louisville here I am... What do you have planned for me? I'm waiting... You know where to find me... And so does my OTP ....( Que the doctor who theme song...... ) I'm out!

When the question is asked, silence will fall

So it's super bowl Sunday! You are most likely with friends and family watching the big game. I, am sitting on my couch with Elvis and the cats. In a beautiful house, with no heat since the gas company didn't come out Friday.. But will be here tomorrow. Sucks, yes it does. I am not partaking in super bowl festivities, yet I am watching doctor who instead. Today has been a very hard, depression filled day. I have realized I left everyone and everything in Cincinnati. I am now in Louisville, nobody to call and sit with to talk, smile with, have fun or even just hang out with. Last night I got to hang out with Rob, and I was more or less knocked back a peg because of how much of a true freind he is. I'm pretty homesick here in Louisville. I didn't want to come back today, but I had to. I have a great job but it's beginning to feel like its just not enough, not enough to keep me here. But I love it! So it's a hard time for me to be here alone. It's definitely a hard thing for me. I usually am very selfless and don't ask for much so it's definitely an emotional journey everyday. I try everyday to not be depressed but it's always there, in the back of my mind, the back of every single thought I have. I try and push forward anyways to keep positive, but at the end of the day I know I'm alone and that's the cold hard truth.
So when the question is asked, silence will fall.... What is the question? Well I'm still figuring that out, I'm still working through it. But for now I can say that I am homesick. A new city, a new chapter in life, a new fresh start. But when will the fresh start feel like I really am starting it off? I don't seem to be able to get the ball rolling, or is it I am afraid to do it? I think I am a bit afraid of that. It's kinda scary not knowing anyone here and going out to make freinds. So since I've been here I've been a recluse, keeping to work and keeping to my home. I want to get out, meet people but something is holding me back.
I feel as if since I sobered up over a year and a half ago, my interactions with new people is strange. I actually worry about how I come across, how they perceive me and who I am. For the first time in my life I am experiencing alot of self doubt and it bothers me, it bothers me more than anything. I used to never care what people thought nor cared how I came across... It's me, take it or leave it! Now I'm trying to still be that way but it's a little harder to be that way. I am a little intimidated but I know I can over come it.
So this has been an eye opener into what my struggle is, my own self realizations and my own short comings. Since I've put it out there, then it should help lift a little of the veil of depression... At least I hope so! But I can say at least watching doctor who can lift my spirits and for some strange reason gives me hope that everything will be alright... Maybe because I can turn off and get whisked away in the tardis. Until tomorrow... Enjoy the super bowl ... Forward ever, backward never

The sun is shining...

Lunchtime blog today! Well let's see, lots of beautiful sunshine today and it's always a mood changer. I am effected by the weather more than any person I have ever met! Rob can bare witness to that.
It's roughly 65 here in Louisville today and it's February!! Beautiful!!! I finally have all the parts I needed for my radio project and tonight will be final assembly and finishing it! I will be posting pictures of it. I'm pretty excited!
I have realized that today I'm excited for more days like today, makes me miss the Florida weather. Mentally I'm there today, not so much with people but by myself soaking up the sun and enjoying the inner peace it brings! I am blessed everyday I awaken to this world. Everyday brings something new and something to look forward to. Well imma get back to enjoying my lunch break, sit in the sun and work on my winter tan! Forward ever, backward never!!