A medless day... Oh no

So today I forgot to take my meds for my depression. I've actually been doing it alot lately on accident. Why? Because I've changed my daily routine and because sometimes I forget.
Today once again I am stuck in my head, left to my own thoughts and so far it's not bad. I'm staying busy at work and making it though the day pretty well.
I havnt been blogging as much as usual lately and I kinda feel outta touch. I've been busy, sorry.
Got the falcon finally back in Louisville, she's running great. Gonna do some body work to her this weekend or I might just take it easy and relax. It's been a long while since I have had the free time to do so. I think I need it!
Maybe I'll catch up on some laundry and cleaning this weekend. Maybe I'll just lay on the couch... But I'm a productive person so I'll most likely end up working on the car!

Opinions, everyone has them... Even me

So this blog may or may not be controversial but I feel as though I have to say it. Since my Facebook is being over run by everyone's view on Gay Marriage, I figured I would share my thoughts on it via blog... So here goes.

WHO CARES!

It's that simple, if people wanna get married, let them. Is it immediately effecting your day to day life in such a way that it's causing you harm? No, it doesn't. So who cares! If anything make the cost for the license more and really I mean REALLY make the price for a divorce 3 times what it is now! I think people need to understand that the sanctity of marriage is between the people and their god. NOT The state!
I have more important things to worry about than If Adam and Steve get married, or Stacy and brittney... I really don't care. I worry about myself and my problems, not yours!
Welcome to the inner workings of my political mind... It's simple... I don't care what everyone else does as long as it doesn't effect me negatively! I don't care if you wanna have an abortion, marry someone who's the same gender, be gay in the military... Honestly I don't give a shit! Let me live my life according to me and my beliefs , earn a good living and the right to defend myself and my family any means necessary, and leave me alone to do my own thing! That's what I wNt the government to do! Just to leave people alone and allow them to pursue happiness. Unless it harms people then there shouldn't be a problem!

Now I'm sure some of you are going to give me backlash but remember:
Everyone has an opinion! Love it or hate it, it's just the way it is!

A week in the rabbit hole

So it's been just over a week since I've been on my medication. Its actually helping and it's helping alot. I don't live in my thoughts or my head as much as I was before. I'm much happier and appreciate more things in my days recently. I have noticed that its making me a little paranoid, or OCD. I found myself going through a certain routine each morning. It's not like if I don't do it the same way I freak out. It's more of a certain way I do things to keep my ADD under control and in a rhythm.
Last week I had two tick bites and which has caused me to clean my house completely with bleach and scrubbed everything and washed all my clothes. But that was just one thing I noticed. Other than that, I've gotten my appetite back and eat more then once a day now.
Over the weekend I didn't get what I wanted to get done. The floors didn't get welded in on the falcon but I did get them cut out and hopefully Easter weekend I'll get it finished.
But after a week of being on my meds I'm feeling pretty good. Still sleepy and it makes me tired around 11 or 12 at night. I wake up a little groggy but I'm sure it'll soon pass and I'll be back to my usual up and go attitude .

Buy the ticket... Uh .. take the ride!

Today is day 4 of starting my medication , Lexapro, for my depression. Today has been kind of weird and I can tell its starting to work. I went through my day as usual, up at 7 at work by 9. Today I was pretty focused at work and worked hard , stated busy! But I kind of felt like a zombie, not much emotion throughout my day and it's a weird feeling. But I can say that I havent had any strange, depressing, or sad thoughts at all. Kind of like a fog over my thoughts and emotions.
Today was actually the first time in a long time that when I got home I was productive. I pulled some beef out of the freezer and defrosted it right away in the microwave, while it was defrosting I took a shower. Got out , dryer off, got dressed and made dinner. All done by 630! For me this isn't normal but I hope for it to continue! I was pretty excited that today has been pretty good. The only downside to today was that my meds make me tired, I slept about 8 hours last night and woke at 7 this morning. I mentally was not awake until roughly 930 or 10. But once I finally wake, I'm focused on work and it's a good thing!! Got alot accomplished today and look forward to more days like today.
So far this week has been good! Aside from being bitten by two ticks which has made me completely paranoid about more of them. I was out in the country Sunday, and must've picked them up. I completely forgot that I wore the same jeans yesterday and they must've been on those. Oh well, I'm going to keep an eye on the bite areas for any sign of them getting worse. But other than that, it's been a good few days and I'm looking forward to the weekend!!! Woo!!!

Into the labyrinth....

So today I went to my dr about both my ADD and my depression. I was a bit nervous and kinda stressed out about talking to her about all this. But that's what drs are for, to make you healthy.
We talked for about a half hour mainly about my depression. Which she decided to treat first before my ADD, and I couldn't agree more. I was right about both making the other worse, so first the most severe of the two has to be addressed.
She is starting me in Lexapro today, for a month. After a month I am to go back for a follow up and then test and treat the ADD. So tonight I'm to take the lexapro, and into the Labyrinth I will go. Will I find Jerrerth? There's no telling, but we will see if it can turn this extrovert back to that extrovert that everyone loves so much.
I'm very hopeful that come this time next week I'll be ready for adventures with some friends, get to see a friend who is back in the states and I'm way more excited to see, work on the Falcon and try to enjoy my happiness... Even if it's a chemically treated happiness.. Thanks for the support and I may just have to blog everyday about the progress and the experience of being 31 and finally getting the help with the depression and ADD after years and years of self treatment via booze!!!

My only and most controversial blog

Before you read this blog please know that in no way, shape or form is this a cry for help. I have already taken the steps to get to my dr and treated for my severe depression and ADD. THIS IS NOT A CRY FOR HELP!!!!

Today I have reached mental collapse! I of all people should've never gotten this far but I have been hiding it well for years and years. My depression has entirely overwhelmed me to the point of a mental breakdown! Combined with my severe ADD, makes my days sometimes too much to handle. I'm stuck in a city with hardly any friends, a ton of broken promises and dreams. I live in my head 90% of my days and nights. My safety net is 100 miles away and here I really question why I'm so far from it. I've been battling depression since I was about 17, I hide it very well, and only since I quit drinking has it really taken its toll on me. Honestly I feel sometimes it's just too much, much too much to deal with in the struggles of everyday life. Have I thought of suicide? Yes lots and lots of times. Will I take the easy way out and do it? No!!! But I do and have thought about it often!
My depression culminates from alot of things: Abandonment issues, poor decisions, incapable of supporting myself due to my ADD and my implosive behavior and lifestyle. I may wear a smile but underneath that handsome devil is a demon all it's own. I will state again, this is not a cry for help since I'm already taking the steps towards bettering myself.
This demon I refer to is my true self, wicked and conniving and laying in wait. A murderous thought pattern at times but deep down I'd wish he'd truelly go away. There is alot of pain, guilt, resentment and anger built up! How to release it is beyond me! My thoughts are so scattered and at times so full of rage and hate that I'd like to set everything ablaze and watch the world burn! My thoughts are mostly, lately of questioning why I even matter to anyone, I'm so fake and even though I try my damnedest to be real and honest, deep down I can't break through the pain that I've been felt over the years. I can conquer all, move mountains, part the fuckin seas if I wanted to! I'm Casey gross for gods sake! I'm a man whose endured more in my life than most of you reading this! Why do I say such things? Because one of my biggest flaws is making myself learn EVERYTHING. The hard way!! So yes my life may seem great and fun and awesome, but truelly it's just a front to keep those out who I choose to keep out! There are very very few who know me, who I am and what I've been through. Rob bloom , my best friend , is one of the very very few who I allow in. Lately I've been trying to keep from burdening him with my problems, my thoughts and my emotional griefs. I feel as though I unleash too much on him.
I can say that I'm glad I'm taking the steps now to actually deal with all of this on a professional level instead of just dealing with it alone. My days may start off great and happy but within an hour or so I'm back at the bottom with my head full of craziness and stuck in my workshop where nobody at work visit. I'm left alone during the day, and coming home is more of the same. I come home everyday to Elvis and the cats! At times I feel as if I'm terrible at taking care of them because I don't spend enough time playing with them. I come home from work utterly exhausted, mentally and physically! To tired to make dinner, but always feed the pets! There have been several times recently when I have not eaten for a couple days, just out of my depression taking over. I sleep when I can but toss and turn and try to meditate. But I cannot clear my mind enough to even get relaxed. I've also noticed I've got a natural body rock or rythem that when I sit still my body actually slightly rocks back and forth. I've had it for years but I slightly only notice it when I'm concentrating on something and not speaking or doinng anything that uses my mind. I feel as if I've lost control of everything at times, my thoughts, my faith and myself...
I have taken the right steps to keep myself afloat and look forward to a better tomorrow... Thanks for listening and soon to be medicated me will be back shortly.. The real me, hopefully, unless the meds make me a zombie :/

The art of skipping rocks and hearts

Oh Wednesday you're back again!! Today you've proven to be a very productive day at the workshop! Got out of work 45 minutes later than normal but that's alright.
I'm home listening to Reeves Gabrels, "yesterday's gone" featuring Robert Smith. Makes me think of standing at a lake or pond and skipping stones across the water as the sun is setting. To me there's something calming and relaxing about it. Yes I am a romantic and my thoughts reflect such a thing.
My heart on the other hand resembles a war torn Viking, covered in battle scars, fighting to the death to victory and the promise of Valhalla. Through years of lies and heartbreak it still seems to come out victorious and ready to fight another battle.
But back to skipping rocks, I'm still looking to purchase the 20 acres and build my house, a pond, a large garden and I have some help. My freind Matt said he would come down to help build, I'll be building the home part of the large pole barn. Half home all loft style with still a ton of space for my garage and all my cars. Up to 4 cars now... Whew I got alot!! But as this sun starts to set on wednesday, don't forget to tell those you love that you love them... We are not promised tomorrow!

I promise nothing ..

So I havnt written in awhile, and mentally I can tell. I have decided that I am going to no longer make promises! That's right no more promises! Seems like every promise made to me has been broken over the last few years. I'm no longer going to accept them. So if you make one to me and get mad that I say something along the lines of: that's not good enough! Don't get pissy with me. Honestly I'm tired of the hope they give and the heartache they give when not fulfilled... Thats all...
I'm tired from work and I'm going to make some dinner. The weather is fantastic, I am filthy from a good long hard days work. I live in my head too much and it's like being stuck in a torture device ... Maybe tomorrow I'll try not to think so much and just work my little heart away....

The sun, piano trading and $241 worth of puddin

Ah thursday, you've snuck up on me like a thief in the night!! This week seems to be pretty good ;)
The sun was out all day Tuesday and Wednesday... I needed it! And I need more!!
Most of you don't know how much the weather effects me, I'm usually down on rainy days and cloudy days... But give me the sun and I can move mountains! I'm like superman, the sun recharges me, maybe that's why he's my favorite hero!!!
So I'm sitting at the bank waiting to file a protest against a charge on my account. Seems like the ATM still charged me to take money out when it didn't dispense it! So time to get it back!!! Damn that's mighty adult of me to do. I'm going to be late to work since I have to handle this but it's ok.
It's rainy and it doesn't help my mood become that of super human, maybe after all in just a piano trader whose lookin to unload this old crappy upright that won't hold a tune... Nah I'm Casey gross! I can do anything I choose!!!! Until next time....... Don't forget the lay Barry and lemont have $241 worth of puddin baby, oh yeah!!!!

Finally filling in and settling Down

So it's march 3rd. I've been here in New Albany/Louisville for 2 months... It doesn't even feel like its been that long! I've finally reached the point where I'm starting to settle in and get myself established. I'm finally getting out and about, seeing what this place has to offer and even meet some people.
I'm really going to like it here.. For now.
I'm sitting in Quills coffee house, down the street from my house. It's in the heart of downtown New Albany. The streets are pretty busy today. The coffee is good and strong like usual. The sun is shining as I sit at the high bar top table at the front window. I get to watch everyone wAlk and drive by.
I will also visit Habana Blue today and pick up a Cuban sammich so I'll let you know if it's anything close to the ones in Florida!
Well I think I may even go to the Dinosuar exhibit today!!! It'll be me, a million kids, and parents staring at me since I'll be there by myself.
I wore my overcoat last night and got a few compliments on it, I like it! So I'm wearing it again today! It's not cold enough for my pea coat and not warm enough for just a hoodie. But I always have a scarf with me!!! I gotta look dashing somehow

Oh the places you'll go...

So it's been a few days since I wrote. A few of my freinds are going through ups and downs lately, but that's just how life is. You can either choose to learn from it and rise above it. Or you can allow it to consume you and inevitablely destroy you. I too have my ups and Downs, lately it's been turbulent. But I have chosen to learn from it and rise above.
There are a few things that I forget about that help me stay positive and today I re-found one of those!! "oh the places you'll go" by dr. Seuss! It's all about the ups and downs of life, but I've found it to be one of my favorites he has ever written. It was his last he wrote before his death. So without further adou, I will go ahead and post it here for you to read, because everyone should take the time to remember why you should smile!!


Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.

You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

And you may not find any
you'll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you'll head straight out of town.

It's opener there
in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.

And then things start to happen,
don't worry. Don't stew.
Just go right along.
You'll start happening too.

OH!
THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!

You'll be on y our way up!
You'll be seeing great sights!
You'll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.

You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.
You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you'll be best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don't.
Because, sometimes, you won't.

I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly, it's true
that Bang-ups
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.

You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You'll be left in a Lurch.

You'll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you'll be in a Slump.

And when you're in a Slump,
you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're darked.
A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right...
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles cross weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or the waiting around for a Yes or No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for the wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

NO!
That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying
You'll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.

With banner flip-flapping,
once more you'll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you're that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored. There are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame! You'll be as famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don't
Because, sometimes they won't.

I'm afraid that some times
you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you'll be quite a lot.

And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

But on you will go
though the weather be foul.
On you will go
though your enemies prowl.
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl.
Onward up many
a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will hike,
And I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.

You'll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never foget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
You're off the Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!

-oh the places you'll go , by dr.seuss


Now you've read it , so get on your way... Today could be your last so make it YOUR DAY!!!!

The fog

Oh Monday, how you can be so cruel. So I've been walking around for the last 6 days in a fog, induced by medicines to combat this cold. I must say this is the longest cold I've ever had! Usually, in my experiences with colds in the past, I'd drink it away! But being a year and a half sober, that is never an option! So cold meds, and what sleep I can get it is. Ugh not happy about not getting enough sleep but oh we'll, sleep when I'm dead right?
So let's recap my crazy weekend!!!
Friday, whoa talk about crazy!! Got to work and sick as hell, but presses on and did my job anyways because I love my job. Worked until about 3 then rushed home to let out Elvis, take a shower and get ready for a work and client mixer and dinner. Back to work by 5 to setup for said mixer. There was lots and lots of beer, wine and soda! Soda!!! Yes!!! Everyone made my phone the official dj for the night because my pandora channels are that awesome! So the mixer went well! I got to actually talk to people I work with. I'm usually stuck in my whole in the wall workshop and don't get to see or talk to anyone all day long. So I can say it was refreshing to meet and talk to everyone. I got to meet alot of our most important clients, all of which love my design work and requested some new designs but I was in shock that I was getting compliments on my design work... It was a great feeling!! So we hung out at the office until about 7 or 730 then headed to the restaurant... This is where it got bad! So the restaurant wasn't staffed enough to handle our reservations of 40... Took an hour and a half for appetizers then another half for actual dinner... And the dinner was terrible!!! Most of the people by this point were drunk and having a good time, I guess. It was interesting, that's for sure.
Saturday, well we had our huge event with the clients, pretty much a huge sale. Got to work at 830 to setup for the day, filled with cold meds but felt ok. As the day went by I felt worse and worse, but by 430 I was done with work and headed home. I was out cold by 9 and up at 7 Sunday
Sunday up at 7, went for coffee down the street at quills until about 11 then dad called and I was off to a car show... The show was disappointing and not fun, but I got to see my dad and his buddies Jeff and Shawn. Went home, sneezing and runny nose. Went to seidenfadens for gore club, got there about 830 and was home by midnight and in bed. Couldn't sleep to well because of said sneezing and stuffy/ runny nose.
Monday, you are so cruel... And still I walk in a fog...

Wednesday , Wednesday half way there

Well today started off pretty good, bright sunshine, a good mood, and started early at work today.
My angle grinder went to shit so I can't finish a few projects in the shop :/ need a new power switch for it. Working on brazing some brass deer heads that attach to a lamp. But that's not workin out to well. But I'll keep at it and maybe get a few done today. This weekend is our big show, so I've been bustin my ass to get alot of things ready for it. We have a company dinner Friday night and I got asked to work Saturday!!! Yeah buddy , overtime!!
I've been trying to find a garage to work on my cars, finding parts and getting things lined up all week. Carl Casper show is this weekend and my dad is coming down for it so I'm going to join him and check out some cars.
As for my emotional status this week, I'm hopeful, positive, and have a great future ahead of me so I'm looking forward and living the moments!
Can't stop, won't stop... Well I'm heading back to working away, jamming to some surf rock today.. Might change it up at some point this afternoon though... Until next time, keep smiling and keep on pushin!!

Stepping out...

It's Monday, presidents day, we don't get of work for many holidays and that's ok. But big news is the bridge is open, finally!!! My commute to work has gone from 1+ hour to a leisurely 10 minutes!!! Man that's awesome. Really starting off the work week on a positive!
Last night I went and hung out with the Louisville gore club, watched the walking dead , then ricki-oh and started watching machine girl but had to head home to bed. I'm not sure why I decided that heading home to bed was such a great idea... I have not slept very much or even well since Friday... :/ oh well, sleep when you're dead right?
I've had alot going on since Friday, internally and emotionally... Like I'm starting to molt like a bird and it's time to rise out of the ash of all my past and become a Phoenix .... I'm not a fan of that annology, oh well it's fitting.
So the walking dead... This was the second episode I've seen... Ahaha I've seen the very first episode and saw last nights episode.. I don't have cable and dont watch tv either... So that explains my lapse in watching it. I can say that I have been wanting to watch it because someone is really into it and was trying to shy away from it until I could watch it with them... But at this moment that ain't happenin. But no negative on my blog anymore!! I'm at work, the sun is shining, it's going to be a great day!!! I'm ready.. Not feeling so sick anymore and that's awsome but until tomorrow... Forward ever backwards never!!

Giving up the ghost

Good morning, it's Thursday , I'm still sick but hoping these meds do the trick. So I'm giving up the ghost and moving forward. I havnt been too excited or happy these last 2 weeks and now it's time to leave all the troubles behind. Since I pretty much am the only one concerned about my own feelings and future. So here goes, I'm stepping out of the shadows and moving in under the street lamp. But this weekend hopefully can be a good jump off point. Emotionally not ready to engage in a change but you gotta start somewhere right?
Wow, the things I've been through since getting sober and the accomplishments I have reaped the rewards of. I'm happy that my sobriety keeps me grounded and I'm glad I can think rationally about what's going on in my world and the sense to change the things I can.
So let's make today a great day! I'm pressing on and moving forward. My hopes and dreams will come true and I'll be a happy man once again. Until that time I'll just keep walking along, keeping my head up, and staying on the straight and narrow. I have had the feeling of being stuck in prison for too long, and now it's high time for parole. Keep smiling! Forward ever, backward never

Tables, skydiving and a long winter

Wednesday , the halfway mark of my work week! So this week has been good! I started a few projects at home and progressing in them with a feverish pace. At work I am building some one of a kind tables , I've got 2 out of 4 done and I have to finish the rest before we have our big show on the 25th. I should take some photos of these, the 2 I have finished will sell for about $1000 each, that's big money! Of course I get my usual pay, but I won't complain!
On the way to work today I was thinking that I really wanna go skydiving soon, well maybe once winter is over.
I'm looking forward to the weekend, going to finish my moms living room, get tattooed, and get a fresh haircut and a shave from my boy Lucky at the Mariemont Barbershop in Cincinnati. Then Sunday I get to meet the new landlord since the house is now in custody of my old landlords ex wife...
Im also awaiting my credit report so I can go through and clean it up so I can buy a new house, one that I can remodel and make it mine! One I can raise a family in... Whenever that happens.. But hey, I'm hopeful :)
Today is surprisingly warm, since yesterday I awoke to an inch of snow and it melted by 11 am.. What a winter huh? Well it's time for me to get started on these tables and make that money for the bossman.. But he is helping me find a garage around new Albany so I can work on the hot Rods ... Until tomorrow... Forward ever, backward never. And remember, jah only gives us what we can handle and nothing more... Keep a smile on your face and be positive!!

Donnie Darko... My theories behind a great film..

So it's valentines day, for some it's depressing, for others its a day filled with hope and love. For me this year it's filled with hope, positivity, and I'm watching Donnie Darko. One of many films I actually love watching, and when I watch this film I always come to the same conclusion about the meaning behind it. I have had the same theory behind it for years now and I think it may seem crazy to some but to others it is an eye opener. So here goes:
The film to me is not about time travel or about Donnie being a paranoid pschitzophrenic (yes I spelled it wrong,I know). To me it's about choices made in life after death, the trials of heaven. Why would I see this as my version? Well let's start from the beginning and with the religious aspect I see. In my version, Donnie's psychiatrist is actually god, Patrick Swayze's character is Jesus. Donnie is being constantly watched and judged through out the film...
I tried writing more but I ended up sounding crazy... If you want to really dive into this deeper with me, then please ask me in person, id be happy to explain.
Well happy valentines day everyone! If you have someone, then tell them you love them! If you don't have anyone but there is somebody you'd like to tell something to , do it! We are not promised tomorrow, or even ten minutes from now, live in the moment! I've been trying to do this for a long time, speak your feelings and what's on your mind when you need to, you'll be happier you did! I did get to tell the one I wanted to talk to today how I felt, good or bad doesn't matter, I said what I felt and that's what matters! So for all of you out there, tell that special someone you love them, don't half ass it either, take the time to look them in the eyes, gaze deep into their soul and really mean what you say.. I love you!
Until next time... I know I'm kinda crazy, but that's what makes me interesting...

Singing lullabies....

Oh Monday, you're here again... My weekend was way too short and didn't get to do alot of the things I needed to do. But there's always next weekend right?
Work today is a little slow paced, I'm making some new tables that are one of a kind here at the shop. I really want to be at home being crafty and making things, but my job is a major priority Monday through Friday! So I can put some music on, keep a good rythem and try to let my brain relax and not think about my troubles. I mean hell, there really isn't a reason to complain and who would listen anyways... I woke up this morning and that's a good thing.
I have a few projects to work on at home tonight and I hope they turn out as good as I'm planning. At least I hope they get the reaction I'm going for here.
Anyways, so beer fest with everyone Saturday was fun, got out and about for the first time in a long time. It was well over due and I'm glad my friends got me involved. I miss them but I'm not that far away and I can always go visit for a weekend. Now as for Louisville, still havnt gotten out or really felt the ambition to get myself out there yet, I'm still working on a few things before I can make that happen.
I have a tremendously amazing, beautiful future ahead and I plan on it becoming my reality .. But it takes time and alot of patients and courage to face what struggles I must go through first. I know my blogs aren't that inspiring and have been a little down trotten lately but I have alot of internal things going on. I have noticed that I'm not so much a fan of Sundays... To me Sunday's are lounge around the house days with someone but lately they have been full of driving back from Cincinnati and really not the most positive days. But I plan on changing that soon!!! I promise, no more blogs that seen so negative, I'm a super positive and hopeful person and I need to let my blogs reflect that!
So for now I will say I'm taking it one day at a time, stepping onto the path of the right direction, and taking it easy! I have decided to allow things to happen for the better and to not rush them. I can only control myself, my actions, my thoughts and my words. I choose then carefully and speak from my heart. I am blessed to have great freinds, family and an amazing job. I like the people I work with, I like my workshop and my boss is awesome!
Well until tomorrow, keep moving forward, work towards your dreams and embrace the moments you have now. I know that my present time is very important since you never know how much time is really left. So with that I will say adios until tomorrow I'm off to make some kick ass tables!!!

What dreams may come

Oh hello Friday :) glad to see your here finally! After work today I'll be heading to cincinnati. I'll be selling one of my track bikes tonight then heading to my moms house. It's the weekend finally. This week has gone by very fast, I got alot of meditation in this week and alot of work done too.
I have realized I am a man of many, many dreams. I have a million ideas rushing through my brain all the time. Things I'd like to accomplish, things I'd like to have, things I'd like to be doing to enhance my future. But I'm ok with it, I have a journal that I can write these all down in, draw pictures, and write to myself as much as I can. I do have a grounding force in my life and that's a plus, without it id be living in a dream world all the time like I usually do.
I got up early today and had breakfast, let the dog out, watched a little Step Into Liquid and left for work. Made it here a half hour early.
I'm ready for this weekend, I'm also awaiting my credit report to get here so I can go through it, clean it up and take care of some things I need.. Like buy a house. Something is nagging at me and it's buying a home.. I need the feeling of being busy when I'm at home. I'm looking into buying a old house here in new Albany, an old mansion that I might be able to get at a steal... It would give me the satisfaction of remodeling the whole house room by room, updating the whole house to pex, inline water heater, new insulation, taking it from the 19th century and bringing it up to date and green. I can't escape the thoughts of remodeling it and I've yet to really get a good look at the house. Oh well , yet another dreAm... I sometimes feel like I should really stop getting my hopes up about anything since they all fall through and die. But maybe it's just a way to be more realistic...
But enough of that! It's Friday and the weekend will be here at 430 today!! Not taking a lunch break today, instead I'm just going to work through it and get out early today. Hoping for good weather and a good trip back to Cincy let's see if we can make it happen! Looking forward to some good times ahead and a great future, I've decided that this time around I'm going to get it right and really have a happiness that I deserve and I will have it.... Ok everyone keep it positive today, look forward to the weekend!! Forward ever backward never!!

When a good man goes to war...

Today is Wednesday. We received a light dusting of snow overnight. On my way to work I got a call from the landlord, who is in the middle of a divorce. Apparently he lost the house I live in to his soon to be ex wife. Well I have the option of moving into another house just about 3 or 4 minutes away... I'm thinking I'm just going to stay where I'm at unless the new house actually has a working garage but I can gather it does not. So I'm going to stay. Anyways today I woke up a bunch and didn't sleep so well, but I'm not going to let that deter my day. I'm going to move forward and progress out of yesterday. I'm going to embrace what I can and keep moving on.
So when a good man goes to war... I'm in a constant war between my heart and my brain. I've decided to have a peace talk with both of them and calm the inner seas. Just worry about myself and what I need to accomplish and focus on, finding things to do around town and finding new people to hang out with. Well I did take a walk around the downtown area of new Albany last night and I gotta say... I'm going to like living here. The area and architecture is pretty nice. The atmosphere is warm and I like it. My neighborhood is definitely very blue collar and I'm ok with that.
Well I'm at work a half hour early like usual. And I'll be in Cincinnati this weekend so if anyone wants to go do something then let me know, so far I'm pretty much open and free...
Well for now this has been a long time comin and something needed to break and well it's all come full circle... So until next time everyone.. Forward ever backward never keep on smiling.. I know I will

I am, just a madman with a box...

Monday oh how you've been terrible. I had to wait until almost 4 pm for the gas company to turn the gas on.. And it was freezing in the house today. Would have been nice for them to tell me a rough time they'd be here.. I could've gone to work Damn it!!! So I had to call off work today for it. I am not happy about it at all!!
So today I came to the conclusion that there are many things I worry about and my mind obsessively thinks about them. Makes me crazy sometimes, but it's about time to leave those in the past. Press forward and only control what I can, and not worry about the things I cannot change or control. I have a way I'd like my life to be, at least an ideal. But for now it's me, my controlled ability for my own life and actions. And yes I have come to the conclusion that I am a madman.. And my box? That's my 49 shoebox ford.. Tucked away in the garage.. My chariot through time and space.. But it only travels into the future and only at real time... :/ but hell it'll take me into the future, my future no matter where it leads I will be there. It's time for me to stop dwelling on the past and situations I cannot control and just try and live! So Louisville here I am... What do you have planned for me? I'm waiting... You know where to find me... And so does my OTP ....( Que the doctor who theme song...... ) I'm out!

When the question is asked, silence will fall

So it's super bowl Sunday! You are most likely with friends and family watching the big game. I, am sitting on my couch with Elvis and the cats. In a beautiful house, with no heat since the gas company didn't come out Friday.. But will be here tomorrow. Sucks, yes it does. I am not partaking in super bowl festivities, yet I am watching doctor who instead. Today has been a very hard, depression filled day. I have realized I left everyone and everything in Cincinnati. I am now in Louisville, nobody to call and sit with to talk, smile with, have fun or even just hang out with. Last night I got to hang out with Rob, and I was more or less knocked back a peg because of how much of a true freind he is. I'm pretty homesick here in Louisville. I didn't want to come back today, but I had to. I have a great job but it's beginning to feel like its just not enough, not enough to keep me here. But I love it! So it's a hard time for me to be here alone. It's definitely a hard thing for me. I usually am very selfless and don't ask for much so it's definitely an emotional journey everyday. I try everyday to not be depressed but it's always there, in the back of my mind, the back of every single thought I have. I try and push forward anyways to keep positive, but at the end of the day I know I'm alone and that's the cold hard truth.
So when the question is asked, silence will fall.... What is the question? Well I'm still figuring that out, I'm still working through it. But for now I can say that I am homesick. A new city, a new chapter in life, a new fresh start. But when will the fresh start feel like I really am starting it off? I don't seem to be able to get the ball rolling, or is it I am afraid to do it? I think I am a bit afraid of that. It's kinda scary not knowing anyone here and going out to make freinds. So since I've been here I've been a recluse, keeping to work and keeping to my home. I want to get out, meet people but something is holding me back.
I feel as if since I sobered up over a year and a half ago, my interactions with new people is strange. I actually worry about how I come across, how they perceive me and who I am. For the first time in my life I am experiencing alot of self doubt and it bothers me, it bothers me more than anything. I used to never care what people thought nor cared how I came across... It's me, take it or leave it! Now I'm trying to still be that way but it's a little harder to be that way. I am a little intimidated but I know I can over come it.
So this has been an eye opener into what my struggle is, my own self realizations and my own short comings. Since I've put it out there, then it should help lift a little of the veil of depression... At least I hope so! But I can say at least watching doctor who can lift my spirits and for some strange reason gives me hope that everything will be alright... Maybe because I can turn off and get whisked away in the tardis. Until tomorrow... Enjoy the super bowl ... Forward ever, backward never

The sun is shining...

Lunchtime blog today! Well let's see, lots of beautiful sunshine today and it's always a mood changer. I am effected by the weather more than any person I have ever met! Rob can bare witness to that.
It's roughly 65 here in Louisville today and it's February!! Beautiful!!! I finally have all the parts I needed for my radio project and tonight will be final assembly and finishing it! I will be posting pictures of it. I'm pretty excited!
I have realized that today I'm excited for more days like today, makes me miss the Florida weather. Mentally I'm there today, not so much with people but by myself soaking up the sun and enjoying the inner peace it brings! I am blessed everyday I awaken to this world. Everyday brings something new and something to look forward to. Well imma get back to enjoying my lunch break, sit in the sun and work on my winter tan! Forward ever, backward never!!

The lion, the doctor , and the wardrobe

Hello readers, it's been a few days since I've written a blog. I feel like I missed writing and have been meaning to, sorry about the lapse in the blog.
So it's Tuesday, it's going to be 63 today here in Louisville! I guess winter has taken a ride north this year and we skipped straight to spring. I'm ok with it but I do miss snow, snowboarding, but I don't miss the freezing cold.
The sun is shining and it's going to be a good day. I've been working on a new project for the house. I got a very old German radio from work and have been refinishing it and converting it to an iPod dock. I started by removing most of the guts, sanding and stripping the body of the radio. I took out one of the speakers since it didn't produce enough sound and replaced it with a new one that I had in my office her at work. Last night I cut out the mounting port on the top of the body and got the iPod port mounted. Today I'm going to finish getting the rest of the guts fitted and mounted, apply the fabric to the speaker mounts and then assemble the whole thing tomorrow.
Well let's see, my mood these past 4 or 5 days has been up and down, some days are better then others and some days start off bad but quickly get better.
I did get seasons 5 and 6 of doctor who. So as I work on the project I can watch the doctor. I have decided I am going to build a Tardis. I was thinking of using it as a type of mud room at the house as the front door. Or I may just put it on the concrete slab in the yard where a house used to be. Not too sure what I'm going to do yet. I also need to build a set of barn doors for the garage so I can secure the 49 ford in there.
As soon as I get the rest of my stuff from the house back in Cincy this weekend, I'll get my office/beat lab set up and I'm going to go ahead and get busy. I will be putting together a roots dub album called : Lions of the Tribe, Badda skat meets Regulus. I plan on having it done, pressed and released on May 9th. Why may 9th? Well that happens to be the exact day between Badda's and my Earth strong. I will be doing a small run of a few t shirts and maybe a few stickers for the release as well, but that is still up in the air.
But it is about that time to start the work day today. I hope you have a great day and make it better then yesterday ... Think positive! Remember : heart open and soul receptive! Forward ever, backward never!!

Welcome to jamrock!

Today is Tuesday, the aftermath of the weekend hit yesterday and last night. I am in high spirits though and ready for this week. I'm movin forward with a positive direction and positive motivation. Negativity has no room in my life anymore.
Tonight I got invited out to a bar and I'm going to go! Since im new to the Louisville area, I can't turn down an invitation to go out, meet people and make new freinds. A couple of my freinds are working on a scavenger hunt for me to keep me out and about adventuring around Louisville. This is a great thing and I'm glad my freinds are there!!!
Today the sun is shining and that already makes my day better. I woke up feeling good, alert and ready. I feel like I have finally lifted the negativity off of my shoulders and it's a good feeling. I talked it out, meditated, and made positive changes in my routines.
I forgot that yesterday I shot a 1 1/4" nail into my thumb at work. And last night it hurt like hell, today it hurts as well but I'll survive. I am also looking for a new primary physician here in new Albany Indiana. I'm going to be living here in the area for quite a while since I have a great job! Well it's almost that time to punch the clock, listen to some good music and get a bunch of work done too! We have a trade show this weekend/next week in NYC. I may talk to the boss about going to the show to see what our competitors have in stock, see what I can modify here at the shop to improve our designs and boost sales over the competition. I love my job, and I plan on excelling in it anyway possible!! Just gotta keep the positivity flowing and I'll be where I need to!! Until next time everyone, have a blessed Tuesday and I'll write soon!

Waiting for a moment....

Waiting for a moment... Those 4 words play over and over in my head. What moment? Well it's a moment that I think everyone wants to happen at some point in their lives, and I know few have had it become a reality. It's the moment in a romantic film where the main character and their partner get into a nasty fight.. A few days pass or some time passes by and both are miserable and then the moment happens.. That moment is when one of them bursts in the door says something like : " I'm sorry, I can't do this without you. I love you!" and they embrace, kiss and make up... Then happy ending...
Yes that's the moment, the moment all of us long for at some point in life. I may be getting to soft or emotional but hell, I'm a romantic. One in which has been crushed by a woman long ago. One who has been hiding away deep inside a hard exterior and too afraid to come back out until now. Now this time it wasn't intentional that the romantic came out, this time it just happened. Music, life, love and a smile all have made that possible.. And one person in particular.
I know, I know... Bleeding heart stuff... Blah blah blah.. Like I said I decided to open up more to you readers of my blog. I've only gotten feed back from a couple people about my blogs. So it is hard to gauge if I should be open or not. In a way I'm not so concerned about it, I write how I feel and what's on my mind. So really I shouldn't even worry.
I heard a song by M83 that made me start thinking about this. The song is "midnight city". I heard it earlier watching a video that was shot in Dubai over 3 days and they used the song in the video, and now it's just playing in my head. But the only video playing in my head are pictures and small snippets of time and it makes me smile. I'm directing this video, cueing the music just right and playing it over and over. Its alot like the movie "entropy" starring stephen dorff. Which by the way is one of my favorites, and if you're into good romantic films then you'd best be taking my advice and seeing it.
I often wonder who has been reading my blogs. I am curious.. But there is a saying : curiosity killed the cat. So maybe it's best I don't know..Or if you do read it and like it then don't be afraid to share it with others. Well until next time i write... I'll see you all when I return from the dark side of the moon... Goodnight and savor all the moments you can and make them happy moments that stay with you and make you smile.

Canis Aureus one of my favorite!

Sunday, a good day with a promising outlook and a good vibe to start the week right. This morning I watched a documentary on one of my favorite animals, the Golden Dog. The documentary is about the golden Jackal. Set in the highlands of northern Tanzania. I identify strongly with the jackal, the male jackal, or dog as they are called. Loyal, family oriented, hard worker, supplier and romantic. All qualities that are admirable, and see in myself. They mate for life and stick close to their family, the dog is the main hunter and allows the female to eat first, he protects without fear and when called by the female he comes running. The jackal pair is romantic and flirt with each other and keeps their bond strong. It's kinda cute seeing how they go about it, hip checking each other, cleaning eachothers snouts and face.
A tenacious predator , the jackal is a hunter with unlimited stamina it seems. Fighting griffin vultures which are almost 1.5 times the jackal, fighting hyenas which are at least 3 times their size. The animal seems to have no fear and protects his family with a veracity like no other.
I identify with the jackal more and more as I let the documentary sink in and hit home. Yes weird that another animal on the planet can make me think about my own self and make me look internally at what I do and what I can provide. In a way it humbles me, it also makes me realize I'm a great catch to any mate. But enough of that, it's time to do some dishes, watch attack of the giant leeches while I work on my taxes and then relax for a little bit. Today is a good day and only promises to get better, just gotta keep the negatives away, allow for the positives to move in and embrace all the things that I can improve on and the strength to change the things I can! Until tomorrow ladies and gentlemen, I bid you adou...

Facing negativity and positively pushing through

Well decided to write yet another blog today, I have been feeling a little like this is becoming my journal and so I'll treat it as such but not get too deep into my circumstances. For the benefit of sparing you and myself the blah of it.
So I've decided to press out the negatives in my life, no use in negativity dragging me down and keeping my positivity from being on the rise. I have hope and faith in everything and sometimes I feel as if it's been dashed to the side and the negatives creep in. Could be because I'm in a new city and not really doing much when I'm home from work. Creating that cabin fever that we all Dred in the winter. I've noticed that every time I move I always move in the winter, a bad trend but it allows me to get setup and comfortable with my places since I'm stuck indoors most of the time.
I've been putting alot of stress on my faith recently and it's a good thing. For far too long I have taken control of my situation and that seemed like it was a constant struggle. But recently with allowing jah to take over and trust in him, my life has been much easier and well, much more comfortable. There are a lot of good things in the works and with a little work on my end I'll pull through with even more success! I'm on the right track in life, and seem to have found my nitch for now. Just gotta keep pressing on past the negative, it'll drag me down so I gotta keep from letting it grab hold. Smile, it's what keeps me comin back for more!
But for now I think I'll finish up this blog, watch some Bela Lugosi films and then get some sleep. Tomorrow is another day, another day in which I'm going to put to full use! Stay positive and have hope! Because when it comes down to it, without hopes and dreams, what else is there to keep you pressing on?

Relaxing and decompressing today

It's Saturday, woke up really tired but Elvis had to go out and I had to do the routine. It's cold outside and I'm perfectly content with sittin indoors listening to music and waiting out the day with fresh food from the store. I planned on going to Cincy today and finish bringing all my stuff here so I can be finally fully moved in, but the winter storms up north have prevented that. S
So today I've been in a pretty good mood, no complaints and who would listen anyways right? Went to the bank to get some cash to go shopping, looked for season 6 on DVD of doctor who.. Best buy had it on blue ray but I'm not ready to make the commitment to blue ray and a blue ray player yet! So did my grocery shopping and came home to my debit card waiting for me ! But now it's time to clean, enjoy my day of nothing to do, and relax, decompress and take in all that has happened this week. Think on things that I need to work on to make myself happy and leave all the negative emotions, thoughts and actions behind! Make myself a better person a day at a time. Trust in jah and ill make it through anything, a good daily montra!!! Until the next blog when I can write in depth about something.... I'll see you all at the movies!

Jah know... Forward ever, backward never

Good morning Friday! So this week has been up and down, seemed like most of my days were down but got better as the day progressed. I have been having a bit of the depression but it's not doing anyone any good so it's gotta go.
I have found a new rebirth in my faith and each day I look forward to what it brings. Those that know me know I am rasta. Dreads? No, my dreads are my tattoos... My permanent stance on not conforming to what Babylon sees as the status quo. Smoke herb? No I do not partake in the sacrament of herbs or chalice. But I do place my faith in jah.
There is much more to my faith and if you would like to further look into it then I would suggest you do before making assumptions about Rastafari. I would like to thank my bredren Badda Skat for lifting my spirituality to where it is today and keeping me positive. .
When I first quit drinking I went through a very very difficult set of circumstances and felt like I couldn't get through any of it. I had a very emotional and very strong religious experience through meditation. To this day it's one of the most moving moments of my life and I will always remember that! You wanna know what happened right? Well I guess it's high time I go through it and share it with you all. So here we go:
( this all occurred while meditating and after this happened I was completely moved to years for at least an hour or so)
I was running down central ave in st. Petersburg Florida where all the places I hung out at were. The sky's were dark and ominous, I could see all of my freinds out on the sidewalks and I was running down the middle of the street. As I started to pass everyone, they were yelling and cussing and spitting at me. Angry and full of hatred. Confused and kinda scared I kept on running when all of a sudden Badda Skat came running up along side of me and smiled and keep running with me. At this time we passed the emerald and the streets were completely empty, no cars and no people anywhere like a ghost town. The sky's opened up and we were showered in sunshine. I looked over at Badda and smiled, he started changing into a lion and kept running. I too turned into a lion as we ran full stride towards the pier. No body was around and as we passed the park and approached the peir I saw a man sitting on a bench in what looked like a very official military outfit with medals and badges. I ran up to him and sat in front of him. He spoke to me without opening his mouth, and I could here every word. He said "keep your 3rd eye open, trust in I and everything will be ok." as I heard this he touched my forehead and felt like it opened up and was warm. As he spoke I felt it enter through my forehead , like an eye opening to see.....
I quickly came out of meditation and my forehead was really warm and I was moved beyond belief I knew the man .. Haile selassei it was, in the flesh and speaking to me. This single experience renewed my faith in something greater so now each day I know that jah has a plan, I trust in him and allow him to take my hand and guide me along the path, jah knows what is in store for me. Each day is new : forward ever , backward never!!!

Stepping back and closer to that cliff

So today is Thursday. Some days I have alot to do, today for example I have work then I have to do a ton of laundry.. I havnt been to a laundry mat in almost 7 years. So it should be interesting.
I've wrestled with the idea of being more open and expressive in my blogs, allowing you my readers into my life and my view points. Almost like creating a journal or something of that nature. There are a lot of inner things that are going on. Alot of conflict, but this is my winter of spiritual growth and that means alot of internal changes. But in the long run my hopes and dreams will come true! This year do far has been mixed with emotional ups and downs, I have my good days and my bad days. I know what advice I need to be taking but sometimes it's difficult to turn that advice into progress. I've got some good people in my life who I can turn to for anything and I am very grateful for that! It's a blessing. Already just writing a little has freed up a little inner tension, a little inner termoil. I know what I need to do and it's high time I took a step back... Closer to that cliff, strap on the parachute... Jump... And have faith and hope that it opens and I land safely... Well with that being said I'm off to work... Perhaps I'll write more later in today. Seems like I can become more open in this and it's therapeutic. Doesn't mean I have to publish every single written blog.....

Sunday driving with a lady by your side

Last night I got the chance to check out Mike Fair and the Adventure Seekers at the Maple Inn here in Louisville. My friend Matt plays drums for them, headed by Mike on lead vocals and a beautiful gold edition fender strat guitar, Aaron on bass and backing vocals and luke on keys and also doing lead vocals on some songs.
The guys are a little older than Matt and myself, but look like guys that id be hanging out with. Cool and nice, and in talking to them they truelly are interested in the conversation and I respect that! Fine musicians to boot! Everyone has a beard except Luke who rocks a mean mustache.
I was very very pleasantly surprised by them. (actually I'm writing this as I listen to them play live right now!) to me they have a feel of a cross between John Prine, early John Cougar Melloncamp, and the Old 97s! I have to say I love it!! Fantastic songs and great instrumentation. Conjuring up thoughts of cruising along the mountains, wearing my cowboy hat with my lady sitting right by my side on the front bench seat of a hot rod. Letting the breeze roll in as we just travel along the road, letting it take us far into west. Stopping along the roadside to take in the view of a lake nestled in between the mountains, share a few kisses and just being in the moment.
I have to say if you get the chance to check these guys out at anytime please do yourself a favor and go see them! You will not be disappointed!!
Right now the snow is falling outside, I'm in Louisville, I'm out and about seeing a band in a bar and watching the bills lose... tonight is a good night I'm smiling. Enjoying the music and it's great... The bar is maybe full of 15 other people besides myself and the band members. The patrons look like strange figments of John waters film taking place in a seedy honky tonk . The ladies mostly all have that 80s hair and the guys , well seems like they do too, long and in pony tails. Drinking cheap beer, watching football and sadly talking conversations that have no real relevance in life, just usual bar bs to pass the time until they decide if they are going to go home and sleep together or just head home alone. There is a dog that is roaming around, friendly and looks alot like a boxer mix of some sort, named boomer and seems to be a young pup but still big.
I couldn't think of a finer place to see these guys play, the lights are just dim enough and with the warm glow of the beer neons it sets a tone of warmth. I'm not sure how a neon light could be found as a warm glow but it is. As the music plays I'm mentally whisked away to a dreamland or a fantasy land of just driving, with my lady by my side and it's a Sunday afternoon. I'm reminded of the end scene of " the devils rejects" when freebird is playing and before the shoot out with the police. Yeah that's what imagery is in my head . It's a good image and makes me smile ...

I soak it all up and let it Marinate!

Saturday, my first real weekend here in Louisville. It cold and snowy, sets a downtrotten mood as I step out the door and a realization that I'm here! I'm alive! And I'm scared! I'm optimistic! Alot of emotions run though me throughout the days here, but I'm keepin a positive attitude. Having only 2 friends here makes it tough to really get out and see the town and do stuff. So at Kelly's request I added the Louisville gore club on Facebook, I mean what's better than a club who loves horror films? Nothing, except a few hot rod guys to run around with.. But that will come later in the year. But I've been here for 2 weeks and yes it been lonely but I'll over come thAt. I try to keep busy, get my home organized and setup. But it feels like only my bedroom is my sanctuary. I need to work on making the house my whole sanctuary! Im only 2 hours from my closest friends but feels like an eternity, I can always call them when times are beating me down and I appreciate And love them for being there when I need them!
So I'm here! Louisville here I am! Over the last year I have gone through alot of struggle and it finally feels as though y life is finally on the right track! A great job, a new life, an amazing beautiful smart woman.. Seems like everything is going the way it should . I truelly am blessed! I've been through some I the toughest things I've ever faced over the last year and this year I'm makin it mine! I'm due for it! I've made massive strides in myself, I've made myself a better man, a man of my word, a man who can survive struggle and the hardest things life can throw at me! I'm stayin positive because it's time for life to see tht I'm going to make it what I DESERVE! Damn it makes me smile! Since I've been here I've tried to live everyday to the fullest, just by doing 3 things everyday : smiling , not half asses but truelly smiling and being happy. Thinking, taking time to really think in depth and use my mind at its full potential. And last but not least, have my emotions moved to tears, yes it sounds strange but it actually let's you run the gambit of emotions and honestly feels pretty good waking up in the morning now a days.
Well time for me to get going and doing something, I think today I'm gonna do a little gel geocaching. At least I'll be able to get out and see the city a little more and find a little adventure. Elvis might go with me but not sure yet, but I do know he's pretty happy and Im glad I have him with me. There's nothing like coming home to a happy puppy, excited tht YOU ARE THERE. That's what I need, that emotion right there..... Well until next time ... Stay free, and get out and try something new today.... Do it!

For once you start down that dark path.... Forever will it conquer your destiny!!

Oh blog, how have you been? I have missed writing in you and I'm sure you have missed me equally. But sure you havnt. Let's catch up shall we......

Well it's a new year and lots of exciting things are happening ...
I am now living in New Albany Indiana, across the Ohio river from Louisville KY.
I have an amazing new job in which I repair and refinish vintage furniture from around the world, it really is the most awesome job ever.
I have the most amazing woman in my life, without her help I'd be up shits creek with a turd for a paddle!! Really I would!!
I am now a non smoker, you may ask yourself.. How did I get here..
And you may ask yourself.. Did I just quote David Byrne?

Well im not too exciting tonight.. I have been havin a lot of trouble sleeping lately and I think I have pinpointed the problem... Lonely at night, even though my baby lives 4 minutes up the road, it's still enough to make me toss and turn!
I feel as though lately I've become more than I was a year ago today, I was comin to the end of my 3 yr relationship with the muppet, still sober, living in fl and workin 2 or 3 jobs at a time just to make ends meet and it didn't seem like enough. But now it's completely different it's like life has finally come and caught up with me to say " hey son, here I have a gift for you. But you better take it and run with it, hold on and don't slow down... For of you stop or let loose on the reigns it may take a turn for the worse and Once you stRt down that dark path, forever will it conquer your destiny"
But I have no fear, no time to let up on the pursuit of real happiness! It's been a long time coming and I've been overdue for this opportunity and sooo taking it with everything I got!!!! Until next time...... Stay free and don't forget to drink your ovaltine!