When the question is asked, silence will fall

So it's super bowl Sunday! You are most likely with friends and family watching the big game. I, am sitting on my couch with Elvis and the cats. In a beautiful house, with no heat since the gas company didn't come out Friday.. But will be here tomorrow. Sucks, yes it does. I am not partaking in super bowl festivities, yet I am watching doctor who instead. Today has been a very hard, depression filled day. I have realized I left everyone and everything in Cincinnati. I am now in Louisville, nobody to call and sit with to talk, smile with, have fun or even just hang out with. Last night I got to hang out with Rob, and I was more or less knocked back a peg because of how much of a true freind he is. I'm pretty homesick here in Louisville. I didn't want to come back today, but I had to. I have a great job but it's beginning to feel like its just not enough, not enough to keep me here. But I love it! So it's a hard time for me to be here alone. It's definitely a hard thing for me. I usually am very selfless and don't ask for much so it's definitely an emotional journey everyday. I try everyday to not be depressed but it's always there, in the back of my mind, the back of every single thought I have. I try and push forward anyways to keep positive, but at the end of the day I know I'm alone and that's the cold hard truth.
So when the question is asked, silence will fall.... What is the question? Well I'm still figuring that out, I'm still working through it. But for now I can say that I am homesick. A new city, a new chapter in life, a new fresh start. But when will the fresh start feel like I really am starting it off? I don't seem to be able to get the ball rolling, or is it I am afraid to do it? I think I am a bit afraid of that. It's kinda scary not knowing anyone here and going out to make freinds. So since I've been here I've been a recluse, keeping to work and keeping to my home. I want to get out, meet people but something is holding me back.
I feel as if since I sobered up over a year and a half ago, my interactions with new people is strange. I actually worry about how I come across, how they perceive me and who I am. For the first time in my life I am experiencing alot of self doubt and it bothers me, it bothers me more than anything. I used to never care what people thought nor cared how I came across... It's me, take it or leave it! Now I'm trying to still be that way but it's a little harder to be that way. I am a little intimidated but I know I can over come it.
So this has been an eye opener into what my struggle is, my own self realizations and my own short comings. Since I've put it out there, then it should help lift a little of the veil of depression... At least I hope so! But I can say at least watching doctor who can lift my spirits and for some strange reason gives me hope that everything will be alright... Maybe because I can turn off and get whisked away in the tardis. Until tomorrow... Enjoy the super bowl ... Forward ever, backward never